Don’t Travel. It’s Scary.

Don’t Travel. It’s Scary.

Don’t travel.

It’s scary to travel.

Travelling won’t add value to your life.

You’ll be a much more well rounded and interesting person by just staying at home.

We all have friends that tell us how great it is to travel.

How they had such an amazing time on their trip, and they met so many awesome, fun, and interesting people.

They’re lying.

They’re lying.

Why are they lying to you?

Because they want you to be miserable too.

Ever heard the phrase ‘Misery loves company’?

Well your ‘friends’ are looking for company in their soulless, uninteresting, dry lives.

They tell you that hiking to Colombia’s Lost City, or partying at the Polo Finals After Party was ‘an amazing experience.’ Or that ‘they’ve never seen anything like it.’

All of these people are about to get kidnapped by Colombian guerrillas.

All of these people are about to get kidnapped by Colombian guerrillas.

What they don’t realize, however, is that there was an entire season of Big Brother 24 they missed while they were gone.

They totally missed episode 13 where the flamboyant gay guy got into a fight with the blonde Cali girl.

Now that is unforgettable!

And really, where is better in the world than your own couch? I mean you’ve worked hard at getting that perfect ass mold into your couch.

That doesn’t just appear one day; it takes years of diligence and perseverance.  So you might as well enjoy all that hard work.

On top of that, travelling costs money.

I mean sure you could become a cycling nomad, but you’re not a hippy!

Cycling Hippies

Cycling Hippies

Why would you want to spend your money on these mundane experiences, when you could sit in traffic with your brand new BMW that only has 34 months of payments left on it?

Besides, the world is a scary place.

You’re sure to be mugged, raped, and likely murdered.

All of these people want to kill you. We know this, because it's a subway with graffiti on it.

All of these people want to kill you. We know this, because they’re in a subway, and there’s graffiti.

All for what?

A few new international friends?

Meeting some all right looking locals in Medellin?

Eating exotic (aka: weird) food in Seoul?

Some ‘spectacular’ profile pics on your Facebook?

Learning a new language?

What on earth would you do with all of those things? There’s weird food, surely in your own city.

Go eat there.

There’s pretty people right where you are, meet them.

And what’s a better profile pic than the St. Patty’s day cheers?

Plus, who needs another language? If you’re reading this, you already know the only language you’ll ever need. There has never been an interesting person who speaks a language other than English.

Easily replaceable. (Heck, if I edit them out, it could be a profile pic.)

Easily replaceable. (Heck, if I edit them out, it could be a profile pic.)

I hope this has convinced you to never leave your front door other than to go to work.

The world’s a scary place, and you’re much better off to leave that scary place to the well equipped soldiers in your country’s army.

They’re prepared and paid to be out in the scary world.

You’re not.

Stay home.

Don’t travel.

Believe me, hang gliding over Rio is not worth it.

Believe me, hang gliding over Rio is not worth it.

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  1. December 12, 2013 at 7:04 pm

    I love this. Sometimes this is a much better approach to answering those who say traveling isn’t an option.

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